There were times growing up that I was a horrible child. Whether I was running away from my mom as she was trying to speak truth into my life, sneaking out of the house late at night, or lying about where I was going on the weekend, I was always stirring up trouble. As I look back on my childhood, I am so grateful of the grace-filled life my mother lived! She put up with my craziness, was always full of forgiveness, and showered me with love and mercy that I did not deserve. She modeled what it means to parent with grace!
The older I become, the more I realize how difficult it must have been for my mom. I absolutely love my children and would give up anything for them, but there are moments in parenting that a grace-filled life is extremely difficult to live out. My five children need my love, compassion, and forgiveness more than they need a stern attitude, harsh tone, or constant nagging personality. It has taken me far too long to realize the importance of parenting with grace!
As we grasp our identity in Christ, we realize the grace and mercy that is poured out to us each and every day! As parents, we must constantly be showering our children with words of encouragement and love. Even in moments when discipline is necessary, our goal must be to reach our kids’ hearts. In order to accomplish this, we must teach with words of affirmation and maintain a spirit of patience. One of the best ways to practice this involves time and space. I do not believe we should ever allow the sun to go down on our anger, but there may be times where we have to step away from the situation in order to parent with grace. If we have a tendency to react out of anger, we must create boundaries and accountability that will enable us to step away from the situation, creating space for grace and forgiveness.
I have found out the hard way that my kiddos react best to a calm voice that is full of patience and love. Most kids tend to close up and establish defense mechanisms or act out when spoken to harshly. As humans, we have the innate desire to be loved – both through words and deeds. We tend to react much better when people critique us or hold us accountable out of a patient and forgiving spirit. Please don’t hear me wrong – I believe in discipline. Our children need to clearly understand the difference between right and wrong based on the truth of God’s Word! There must be consequences for sin, just like there are consequences for disobeying the speed limit. But truth cannot be told without it being full of grace. In the same way, we cannot live grace-filled lives if we are not speaking out of the truth of God’s Word!
John 1:14-18 – “14 The Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us. We have seen his glory, the glory of the one and only Son, who came from the Father, full of grace and truth. 15 (John testified concerning him. He cried out, saying, “This is the one I spoke about when I said, ‘He who comes after me has surpassed me because he was before me.’”) 16 Out of his fullness we have all received grace in place of grace already given. 17 For the law was given through Moses; grace and truth came through Jesus Christ.”
Twice in this passage, Jesus is referred to as the one who comes full of both grace and truth. Is our love for our children seen through this same lens?
One of the most important ways we can parent with grace is through scripture. My wife very rarely ever disciplines or teaches our kids without using Scripture! She lives and breathes God’s Word to our children every single day! There is more power in quoting Scripture to our children than we could ever imagine. As we speak God’s Word to our kids, we will ultimately be sharing the greatest story of grace ever told!
I am grateful for the grace that is poured out to me every single day! I deserve nothing, but am blessed in more ways than I could ever imagine. I thank God for giving me a mother than not only put up with my stupidity, but showered me with more grace and truth than I could handle. I am thankful for a wife that models exactly what it means to live out Christ-like patience, love, and forgiveness towards my children and me.
As we parent with grace, our children will not see us – they will see Christ in us, and our ultimate goal as parents must be to live lives worth imitating for the cause of Christ!
Here are a couple of great resources in regards to grace-filled parenting..
- Praying Circles Around Your Children, Mark Batterson
- Families Where Grace is in Place, Jeff VanVonderen
- Grace-Based Parenting, Tim Kimmel
- Give Them Grace, Elyse M. Fitzpatrick
- Shepherding a Child’s Heart, Tedd Tripp
- Grace Based Parenting Website
Christ Centered Student Ministry 
As Chris’ father, I always stated that no matter what Chris did we as parents had to pray daily for him. I always said when Chris was growing up that as we continued to pray and led him that someday he would grow up to be a Godly man. God accomplished that in his life,